


Selfish

by Pixial



Series: Support and Stand [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, Polyamory, dorian worries a lot, working through relationship troubles with healthy communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 10:06:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13005432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixial/pseuds/Pixial
Summary: Dorian wonders if his partners really love him or if they're just putting up with him for the sake of keeping the peace.





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hobbitdragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobbitdragon/gifts).



“And there he goes, off to do the Maker’s will. Or something.” Dorian sighed and leaned against Bull, watching as their other half-- third?-- disappeared into the distance on his vividly pink deer-thing. Where in Thedas Caim had managed to scrounge up such a flashy mount, he had no idea. Apparently it was a gift from his clan. All Dorian knew was that it sounded like hell incarnate and clashed horribly with most every other color in existence.

“Is it really the Maker’s will or Josephine attempting to drum up more brownie points with Thedas’ elite?” Bull rumbled, his large, sheltering arms sliding up to hold Dorian close. 

“Oh, Josephine, no doubt. Some form of treaty being brokered between Fereldan lords,” Dorian replied with a gloomy air. A piece was missing, torn from his heart by duty and distance. He closed his eyes, still feeling the vague unease settling in his stomach when Caim had announced his departure.

 _“It won’t be long,”_ he’d said. _“I know it’s short notice, but Josie thinks we can get some serious influence in the area if we help these barons see some sense. It’ll only be a couple of days at most, and with luck, the worst thing that’ll happen is that I forget which dog is named what and start another war.”_ Then he’d smiled that wry grin of his and stretched up to kiss both Dorian and Bull before he finished packing.

And then he’d left. With Dorian and Bull watching him fade away and hoping he’d come back.

Dorian nestled into Bull’s comforting warmth, the ache in his heart only easing somewhat. He frowned, uncomfortable with that realization. It was one he’d slowly been noticing for the past few months, that he was only truly content with both of his lovers at his side. Bull’s embrace used to be the ultimate cure for all of his unspoken ills. When had it stopped being enough? Was he truly going to sit and pine for someone when he still had someone else who held him so gently at his side?

Was his father right? Was he so thoroughly and utterly _wrong_ that it took more than a single person to satisfy his perverted heart?

“Hey,” said a deep voice in his ear, warm breath mussing his hair. Bull tightened his grip on Dorian ever so slightly, bringing him back to the here and now. “You okay?”

“I am perfectly fine,” Dorian snapped, trying to hide the tremor. “I’ve just said goodbye to one of the most important persons in my life and have come to the startling realization that everything my complete _asshole_ of a father said about me might actually be true.” He shut his mouth with a sharp click, clenching his jaw before he said more. This was the trouble of being in a much more stable and supportive relationship than he was used to; he was entirely too open.

“Dorian?” 

“It’s fine, Bull. Just ignore it.”

Fingers that were strong enough to snap his neck carefully brushed his jaw, gently turning his head to look him in the eye. “Talk to me, kadan.”

Dorian looked up into the full force of Bull’s gaze, that single eye that saw far, _far_ too much, and felt himself torn in two. Years of experience and pride screamed at him; he should stay silent, brush this off so he could pretend he was never weak in the eyes of _anyone_ , much less someone who _already_ knew too much about him. And yet, the pieces of him that has sprouted under Bull’s touch and bloomed when Caim brightened his world with a smile… Those jagged, sharp edges softened by love and time, urged him. Begged him to open up, to set himself free.

He looked up at Bull, shameful tears pricking at his eyes, his voice choked, caught between the two sides. And Bull _understood_. Nodding, as though he knew exactly what was churning through Dorian’s head. He pulled Dorian into his side, gently guiding him by the shoulders to his quarters above the tavern.

The door shut behind them with a muted thud and the comforting click of the lock. They were alone, in private. Bull sat on sad excuse for a bed and looked at him, expectant. Waiting. Patient. 

And Dorian turned away, unable to look at him. Did he deserve such consideration? Such, dare he say it, compassion? He was the man who’d been unable to choose between two wonderful, passionate men, possibly forcing them into a compromise they’d never wanted. After all, how could they both love someone like him?

“I… I’m afraid… I’m afraid that this is all rather unfair,” he finally said, hating the way his voice cracked.

“This?” Bull asked quietly, behind him. Staying back, giving him space.

“This… All…” Dorian waved a trembling hand in the air with a vague gesture. “I’ve… I’ve been rather selfish, haven’t I? After all, most arrangements like… Like ours are out of pure fantasy or carnal desires, and… And…” He closed in on himself, his heart tightening painfully in his chest as the words began to press against his throat. “And we’ve tried to make it a _relationship._ And it was _working_ , but now he’s gone, and you’re here, and it’s not _enough_ and that isn’t _fair,_ not to you or him, and I’m… I’m just… I’m greedy and selfish and a simple, loving relationship apparently wasn’t good enough, no, I’m just… _Wrong_ and had to muddle the first good thing that came into my life… You’re both so _good_ and I’m… I’m this _terrible_ , grasping person. Everyone says it, and I know that, but you’re both too kind to stop and…. And now… And now…” 

His breath hitched, a sob finally stemming the tide. The edges of his vision were dark, and misery coated his very skin. He’d done it. Ruined it. Just like he’d done with everything else in his life.

The silence at his back was unbearable, but Dorian couldn’t think to break it. Not with words, or simply leaving. Would Bull follow if he did leave? He didn’t want to contemplate that, not now, not ever.

Finally, that rumbling voice spoke. “Yeah… Yeah, you are pretty damned selfish. But that’s one of the things I like about you.”

Dorian whirled at that unexpected reply, and Bull was still where he’d sat, though his arms were outstretched, welcoming. “C’mere, big guy.”

And Dorian went, his feet a blur as his heart was tugged towards that simple gesture of acceptance like a lodestone. Bull buried him beneath his great arms, holding him close and dear as he cried with soft sobs.

“Hey now, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” he murmured, apparently not minding the drips of salt against his bare skin. “I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.”

And that, Dorian realized, was it. No matter what seemed to happen, what strange twists the world threw at them, whether it was betrayals or new friends, Bull hadn’t left. He’d remained a constant, steady source of comfort or relief.

He finally regained himself enough to pull back slightly and wipe his eyes, noting with incongruent irritation that his makeup was irreparably smudged, and looked up at Bull.

“Now then, my turn for a speech?” Bull asked, a faint amusement twinkling in his eye. Dorian huffed, wondering what he found so funny, but nodded. He’d listen.

“Like I said, yeah, you’re selfish. But so’m I, and so’s our wandering elf. It’s part of why we get along so well. We take things that we love and need and hold ‘em tight. And right now, one of those things is out there somewhere, doing his job without either of us at his side to protect him. And it really _fucking_ sucks.”

Dorian bit his lip. Bull was right, of course. Caim was all alone; at least he and Bull had each other for the interim. 

“Hang on, I’m not done. We’ve got a piece of us missing, you’re kinda allowed to be unhappy at that. I’m not exactly thrilled about it either. But that doesn’t mean I love you less, and I don’t think you love me less. … Do you?”

With a wet sniff, Dorian shook his head, his lips quirking into something resembling a smile. Bull nodded with a sigh of relief.

“Okay, good. Because that would’ve been awkward,” Bull said with a pleased smile breaking out on his rugged face. “Neither of us do awkward well.”

Dorian snorted and elbowed him, resulting in Bull laughing and somehow pushing him backwards onto the bed and moving on top of him with a grace belied by his size. He looked down at Dorian for one long moment, considering, before leaning down just enough for Dorian to feel breath on his lips.

“May I?” he asked, soft and gentle.

Dorian nodded. They’d both discovered in their time together that touch succeeded in communication far more effectively than words.

Bull closed the gap, and Dorian closed his eyes, breathing in what was possibly the softest kiss he’d ever experienced. He felt something within him sigh in relief and relax, and he allowed himself to open, to simply just _be_ for a moment.

“You have this thing, Dorian,” Bull whispered against his skin, pressing close and comforting, “where you call yourself all these things and don’t see how _good_ you are.” He kissed him again, bringing him closer than he’d have thought physically possible. “You were worried about whether we really loved you? And we do. You remember our first night together? We couldn’t make up that kinda shit, Dorian. Well. Caim couldn’t. And I wouldn’t. You _know_ that.”

Bull was relentless in his self-appointed mission, quietly taking him apart with easy, tender touches and kisses. Each brush of his lips, each stroke of his fingertips spoke volumes of love and desire. And through it all, Bull continued a litany of reassurances, of promises and adoration. Dorian felt wanted, treasured in a way that was still so fragile and new, and he clung to that with the tenacity of a man who has starved for his whole life.

And after, they curled together on the sad little bed that didn’t feel quite so sad anymore, both sated and almost-complete. They stayed that way, together and supporting each other in love, until the days passed and Caim returned once more, successful and greeting both Dorian and Bull with such a passionate fervor that Dorian marvelled that he’d ever been able to doubt the truth of his love.

And even later, as they all lay in a pile, thoroughly exhausted by their enthusiastic reunion, Dorian studied his lovers, the pair of them, and reflected that… Yes, he was rather selfish. These two gorgeous, wonderful men were _his_ , and he vowed silently to himself that he’d do everything he could to keep them safe.

**Author's Note:**

> So turns out if you hit fulfill assignment it just straight up posts the damned thing. Okay then.
> 
> This is set within the verse with Caim! Love those boys!


End file.
